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FUNNIES |
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Send in you favourite jokes to wilderthanyou.com and they'll appear here.
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| Yours all lazy cunts |
| | A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People.
The nanny, we will consider her The Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now,"
The father says, "Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep shit."
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Dickie 25/10/2004 |
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| 76 |
| | 7 |
7 26/01/2004 |
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| Silly boy |
| | Q: How do you confuse an Eddie?
A: Lace his chocolate advent calendar with prescription drugs and Dijon mustard, then get so drunk that you forget all about it until you suddenly remember in February the next year. |
knackers 04/02/2003 |
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| old but good |
| | Q: How do you know when a Frenchman has been round to your house?
A: The bins are empty and the dog's pregnant |
knackers 04/02/2003 |
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| More Lesley fun! |
| | John Leslie is in talks with ITV for a new reality TV show- It's called "Help He's A Celebrity, Get Him Out Of Me". |
John 04/11/2002 |
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| John Lesley |
| | John Leslie goes into a police station ...
JL : "Ive come about the job advertised".
Copper : "What job is that sir?"
JL : "The one in the window"
JL:".....it says "Man Wanted for Rape" |
Griffnet 31/10/2002 |
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| Cinderella |
| | Cinderella's cat
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all
these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension."
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother". The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again". At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: "You have one more wish, what shall you have?"
Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man".
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke: "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, and said...
"I bet you regret having my bollocks chopped off now, don't you?"
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Docker 30/10/2002 |
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| More rubbish from Knackers |
| | What's blue, square and goes "phht" at the touch of a button?
Press Alt+F4 to find out.
Pathetic. I know. |
knackers 24/10/2002 |
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| Dirty Parrot |
| | A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant
shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll
agree, and it's an absolute steal at only £20."
"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity"
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up,
"I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at
the woman "F---me, a new brothel and a new madam"
"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman
indignantly.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complain
the girls, but they all see the funny side and have at laugh at their new pet. A short while later, the woman's husband comes home.
"Well f---- me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the
same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?" |
Ben Wilder 07/06/2002 |
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